If you're not part of the solution...

Below is an article I wrote for Money, Marketing & More, published in May 1999. I found it again recently, and realized the more things change, the more they are the same. If anything, I would say it all more vehemently today. Back then, it seemed that violence and general disrespect were seeping into the fabric of our social existence; this week it seems more like the centerpiece on the family dinner table, boldly challenging whether we have a social contract anymore.

Becoming Part of the Solution

Most people reading this can remember the saying from the 1960s, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." Not everyone can give up their "real" life and lead a revolution, but each of us can take small steps toward solving larger problems that plague our communities.

For some time, I've wanted to write an editorial on various forms of disrespect, and how disrespect is on the same continuum with violence. I detest unwanted, unsolicited fax advertising; someone disrespects my time and resources enough to think it's OK to use them for their purposes instead of my own. I rant about rude, unsafe drivers who don't realize other drivers are just trying to get somewhere too, and wonder how many of us being courteous on the highways it will take to balance the "road karma." Now, in the wake of the Littleton school massacre, just after my own daughter was assaulted with a rock on a walk this weekend in her own neighborhood in broad daylight, my concern has been galvanized into action.

If we do not want to live in a world where everyone is a fair target for everyone else, we must examine our own actions and see how they contribute to the problem. Further, we must try to see the implications of our actions and change what a project manager would call the "precursors," the things that precede and enable an action.

Three key areas I see for being part of the solution are avoidance, modeling, and communication. You can avoid being in the situations that you feel contribute to the problem. You can model the alternative behaviors and attitudes in your daily life. The easiest...and most difficult: you can communicate your views, in conversation with friends and neighbors, letters to the editor, public forums, and heartfelt talks with your children.

I'm a big proponent of doing things your own way, so the following list of potential actions is not the end-all and be-all. Use it as a starting point for your own dialogue with yourself. If you don't like the world you currently live in, envision what you want to be different, and take action on that vision.

• Don't watch violent movies, videos, or television shows, particularly where the violence is the only entertainment value. There is no positive social value in hacking babysitters to death.
• Ask friends, neighbors, and relatives why they find violence entertaining, and ask them to stop watching it.
• Don't spend your money to support corporations that profit from violence. We're talking small actions here, not organizing a boycott, although if organizing on that level is your vision, put me on your mailing list.
• Stop taunting and cruel teasing between children as young as possible, because both those who taunt and those who are taunted can become victims and perpetrators of violence, both verbal and physical.
• Watch your language. Violence has become such an invisible part of our culture that we don't even hear ourselves say things like "We didn't just win the game; we KILLED them!" Your children are listening.
• On a more proactive note, go out of your way to connect with strangers in non-dangerous situations. Talk to the person in line at the grocery store or deli, and exchange small talk with the cashier. They are someone's next door neighbor too. I believe that when you affirm someone's humanity with friendly conversation, the rest of their day goes better, and that ripples outward to more people.
• Leave five minutes early to drive anywhere, so you can graciously allow others to merge, and generally drive courteously to balance the road karma of those who don't. The accident you prevent may save your life.
• If a specific aspect of the disrespect/violence continuum bothers you significantly, find out more about it. Search for resources or organizations on the Internet, in the phonebook, or by telling everyone you know about your concern. Learn more about what is being done in that area, or could be done, and see how you can make a difference.
• Consider carefully how to maintain safety while not giving up the great outdoors, or the night-time, or whatever else you enjoy and would miss. Take a self-defense class, but don't get cocky.

Anthropologist Margaret Meade once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world: indeed it's the only thing that ever has!" Choose to be one of those people.