We've all witnessed amazing performances by people in the arts, athletics, academics, and many other areas of life that don't start with the letter "a." They make whatever they are doing look so effortless, almost as if they were born doing it. Here's the secret behind making something seem that effortless...EFFORT.
No, that can't be right. Do you mean if I put in enough hours practicing the right way to do something, I'll get better at it? Do you mean if I can identify my goal and the steps to get there, and I put time into working those steps, I can make progress toward achieving my goal? Do you mean I didn't have to be born the perfect weight, with the perfect skills, or start with any other perfect anything? I just have to work consistently (not constantly, mind you) and there will be consequences, which in this case are also called "positive results."
The babes in the front row of fitness classes who look like they could almost teach the class were once the beginners who wondered if they would last through the first class. They showed up consistently, they worked on their skills, and now they make it look effortless. Same for golfers, bowlers, gymnasts, spelling bee contestants, master teachers, Zamboni drivers, chefs, race car drivers, sculptors, musicians, and just about anything else you could want to become.
So, half the message today is set a goal, show up and put in the effort to improve specific skills, and good things happen. Nice. Motivational. Not enough.
The other half of today's message is for those who already did all that, or who are doing that currently. Please don't hide the effort it is taking you to get to where you want to be. Those who are struggling need to know you were not born perfect either. The education grad students in my family have learned that this is a "fixed mindset" vs. "growth mindset," this notion that you either are or are not smart, athletic, a good cook, or whatever else, vs. knowing that while you may not be good at something YET you could be better if you work at it.
This is part of why I kept (and will keep) posting updates about my recovery from carpal tunnel release surgery, and other things I have to work at if I want to accomplish them. I know that in public I will only use my left wrist to do the things I know I can (e.g., no heavy lifting, no strongly flexed or extended wrist) and it will look like an effortless recovery. NOT. I may not have an official curriculum of physical therapy for getting the flexibility and strength back, but I create many opportunities throughout the day to gently test and work through range of motion and weight-bearing activities. I identify the effort I need to make, and I make it.
I am currently reading a couple of different books that relate to all this. In Flow: the psychology of optimal experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says, "Although the flow experience appears to be effortless, it is far from being so. It often requires strenuous physical exertion, or highly disciplined mental activity. It does not happen without the application of skilled performance." (You know, flow, that in-the-zone great experience when you become one with the activity you are doing; yeah.) Then there is Brené Brown, in Daring Greatly, who says "Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance." The effort-making stage is us being authentic and imperfect, and if we can't accept that, we will never feel like we are "enough."
This week, think about some of the people you meet and ask yourself what effort they put in to make their results look so effortless, or what effort they could make to get past where they are stuck in a fixed mindset. Then spot-check your own life and congratulate yourself where you've worked hard to get where you are, and ask yourself what effort could make a difference where you feel stuck. (You knew there would be homework, right? At least I'm not asking you to write it down!)
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